


breathe into my hands, or cup them like a glass to drink from

by purugly



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Guardians, F/F, syndra is a useless lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 03:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13966131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purugly/pseuds/purugly
Summary: "Maybe letting her in a little wouldn't be so bad."(syndra learns to love)





	breathe into my hands, or cup them like a glass to drink from

Janna lies on the ground with eyes closed, breathing steadily and softly. She’s just fine, but the healing spell Soraka had used hasn’t prevented her from going unconscious.

“She asked for me?” And Syndra is sitting with her hands on her knees, just watching her.

“Mm-hm. But she was already out by the time you got here.” Soraka is doing the same. She turns to look at Syndra.

Syndra remains silent.

“I don’t think she would’ve asked if it wasn’t you.”

This gets a reaction. “What? Why?”

“Because you are the person she likes, of course.” Soraka says this very nonchalantly, like she’s doing no more than commenting on the weather.

“Ha, ha. You’re so funny.” Syndra’s expression returns to her usual resting-bitch-face.

“Stop, I’m serious. I really think she likes you.”

Now Syndra is perplexed. “Why me? I thought we hated each other and that was our thing.”

“To be honest, I really don’t know what she sees in you that would make you a good romantic partner, but I think she likes your whole ‘bad girl’ thing. Chasing the forbidden fruit and all.” Soraka shrugs as she says it.

“But. . .” Syndra is visibly distressed by this revelation. “I thought we had a rivalry thing. . . if she doesn’t hate me anymore, then. . . Soraka, what do I do?” What’s more distressing to Syndra than anything is that she feels _bad_ about hating Janna. _I’m supposed to be evil. I’m not supposed to feel bad about anything._ “Should I apologize for being so rude?”

“Do you actually feel bad?”

“. . . Maybe so.” There’s no way she can fully admit it out loud. _I have a reputation to uphold._

Soraka can read her like a book. She chuckles. “Well, you’ve got plenty of time to think about what to say. She’ll probably be out for a while.”

 

 

“Syndra?” Janna finally wakes up at 2:33 AM. She looks very puzzled.

“Soraka said you asked for me, but you were already out by the time I got there, so. . .” Syndra rubs the back of her head. She’s too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. She’s never been more uncomfortable her whole life.

A dusting of pink appears on Janna’s cheeks. She’s gone shy; it’s her now who cannot look Syndra in the eye. “You didn’t have to stay.”

There’s an awkward silence as neither girl looks at the other, until Syndra clears her throat. “Also, I wanted to. . . apologize. . . because I’ve been very. . . rude. . . to you the whole time we’ve known each other. I think perhaps I was just. . . jealous of you, because you’ve always been taller, prettier, and nicer than me and probably always will be, but that doesn’t mean it was okay for me to be so rude to you. So, I apologize.”

Janna’s head perks up. “You think I’m pretty?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the point.” Syndra wants to be anywhere but here. _Just get it over with._

“It isn’t all you. I could have been much nicer to you. I accept your apology, and I’m sorry, too.” Her voice is lower than usual. Like she’s ashamed, as if she’s done anything wrong.

“It’s fine.” Syndra pauses. _Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it._ “And one more thing.”

“What is it?”

 _You can still back out. Don’t say it. Don’t say it._ “Can we. . . be. . . friends?” Her voice almost stops in her throat and she wants to take it as a sign not to say _the F word_ , but against her better judgement, she keeps going. _Idiot._

“Of course. I’m glad you asked.”

She doesn’t quite understand the weird feeling she gets when Janna smiles at her.

 

***

 

Everything starts innocently enough.

Syndra and Janna exchange numbers. Janna takes a lot of pictures of cats she sees on the street, and she likes to send them to Syndra. Syndra appreciates them more than she lets on. She will admit that it feels. . . nice, to see a notification on her screen just for her. For someone to think about her.

 

Two weeks later, she worries about her coming in too close. All of her armor is up and she’s ready to defend the walls around her heart.

“The heater at Lux’s house broke and the guy can’t come out until Monday to fix it, so her and her gang are coming here for the weekend,” Ahri announces. “We have one guest bedroom and you’ve got a solid twenty minutes to sort that shit out before they get here. Good luck.”

“Lulu can room with me,” Soraka offers.

“Just saying, but no way in fucking hell am I ever rooming with Jinx. She can be by herself. Stupid gay motherfucker.”

“Sarah, you shouldn’t call things you don’t like ‘gay’, that’s disrespectful to gay people,” Soraka interjects.

“I _am_ a gay people, we’ve been over this. We all love women here.” Miss Fortune responds.

“Fair enough.”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that Ezreal will probably room with Lux,” she continues.

“No, she’s gonna say she doesn’t want Jinx to be lonely and then room with her,” Syndra predicts.

“Whatever. Anyways, that leaves Poppy and Janna. Poppy and Ezreal get on just fine, no problems there. Ahri and I both don’t want to be bothered, so that leaves your room, Syndra.”

Syndra felt a flash of panic. “You think I, of all people, want someone in my room to bother me?”

“I thought you and Janna were friends now, or at least you didn’t hate each other. She’s quiet, she won’t bother you.”

“Maybe we are.” Syndra doesn’t know why she bothered, because she can tell right away she’s not going to win this fight. “Nevermind. It’s fine. Janna can be with me.”

“Great. And now we wait.”

Lux and her group are in the doorway five minutes later. “C-cold. Cooold. Please warmth.” Lux’s teeth are chattering so hard, she can barely be heard.

The rest of her group aren’t much better off. Jinx had evidently washed her hair not long before the heat went out. _Unfortunate._

“Where’s Janna?” Syndra asks Lux, who’s sprawled with her coat still on in front of the radiator. “And take your damn coat off.”

Lux stands up and takes her coat off. “Oh, she’s just parking the car.”

As Lux goes to the closet to hang her coat up, there’s a tap on the door. Not quite a knock, like the person on the other side doesn’t want to be rude.

 _Speaking of the devil._ Syndra goes to let Janna in. There are white flecks of snow in her lilac hair.

“You’re rooming with me if that’s cool. So I’ll just put your stuff in my room.” Syndra takes her suitcase.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, no problem. That’s, uh, what friends are for, I guess.”

 

 

At exactly 12:54 AM, Syndra wakes up in a cold sweat from another unpleasant dream. _I need a shower and a hot drink._

After she towels up her hair and changes into clothes that aren’t disgusting, she goes out to the kitchen. To her surprise, when she flicks on the lowest light, Janna is sitting at the counter, her hands around a mug, looking. . . miserable.

“Janna? What are you still doing up?”, Syndra whispers.

“Guess I’m just a night owl.” Janna pushes her mug to the side to lay her head on her arms.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“It’s just. . . It’s probably the same for you, isn’t it? You can’t sleep without seeing their faces and knowing you failed. And this time it’s your second team, and you still can’t help them. I wish it had been me instead.” Janna’s voice gets quieter and her eyes more distant with every word she speaks.

Syndra pulls up a stool and sits next to her. “At least you weren’t as bad as me.” _Fuck it._ “Watch me for a minute.”

Janna doesn’t raise her head, but she turns to look at Syndra’s face.

Syndra carefully takes the patch off from where her left eye should be.

“Oh.” There’s no pity in Janna’s stare, only empathy, which Syndra is grateful for. “Can I ask how. . .?”

Syndra pauses for a moment. _Let her in and take the risk? Protect myself by keeping her out but feel bad afterwards?_

She takes a deep breath. _It’s just Janna. She’s been in this game just as long as I have, maybe longer. I’ll be okay._

“It was when I lost my last team. I. . .” _No, I’m not doing this. This is the definition of “letting her in too close.”_ She shakes her head, her voice growing cold. “On second thought, no, you can’t ask how. I’ve said too much already. Goodnight.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Janna looks concerned and reaches to touch her hand. Syndra bats it away. She doesn’t look back to see the hurt in Janna’s eyes, or to see that she spends the rest of the night at the kitchen counter with her head buried in her arms.

 

 

The next day is spent with Syndra avoiding Janna and Janna avoiding Syndra.

By that night, Lux has had enough.

She calls them both into Ezreal’s room and shuts the door. “I don’t know what happened between you two but you’re going to settle it or I won’t let you leave Ez’s room.”

They’re both silent.

“Seriously, what happened? Was there a love confession gone wrong or what?” Lux asks.

“Why would you even think that? I don’t love her,” Syndra snipes.

Janna’s expression freezes over at this remark. “Wow, thanks, good to know you care so much about me.”

Lux looks wildly uncomfortable. “Um, anyways. . . what happened?”

“Yes, Syndra, what happened?” Janna is giving her a pointed look.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.” Janna sounds irritated by this point; it makes Syndra remember how they were to each other months ago. _Aw, I fucked up._

Lux is sweating bullets.

Syndra swallows hard. “It’s because I don’t want to get attached. Nothing good ever happens when you get attached, and I might if I get any closer to you.”

Lux looks like a nervous wreck, but she steps in anyways. “Ahahaha. . .Syndra, if you’re saying that, I think you already are.” Even her laugh is nervous.

“Shit.”

The ice melts from Janna’s eyes, and she laughs. Syndra jumps. It’s a lovely sound and she hates herself for thinking it. “The whole point of being friends with someone is to be attached to someone, silly.”

“I’ll admit, you make an excellent point. I’m sorry, Janna.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“Are you all settled then? Lulu wanted to watch _Howl’s Moving Castle_ but I know she won’t let anyone start it until we’re all out there, and I don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Yes, we’re good.”

 

It’s hard to fit ten people onto one couch, so most of the group sits on the floor. In other words, Ahri has claimed the couch and sprawled across it, so everyone else gets to sit on the floor.

Janna looks bored; Syndra guesses she’s probably seen this movie a hundred times before. _Maybe letting her in a little wouldn’t be so bad._ “Psst. Janna.”

She turns to look at Syndra.

“Come to my room for a minute. I want to show you something.”

Syndra shuts the door behind them, and makes a _shh_ motion, then points to a small animal bed in the corner, where her Multi are sleeping. “Do you want to pet them?”

“If they don’t bite,” Janna whispers.

“Don’t worry, they only attack on command.” Syndra whistles, and Multi awake. She makes a _come here_ motion, and they follow suit. She takes Janna’s wrist and places her hand on one of their heads. “Just like petting a cat. But more evil, and there’s only a head to pet.”

She can feel her heart soften as Janna smiles and scratches their round little chins.

 

***

 

The rest of winter passes relatively uneventfully, and spring eventually rolls around; with it, Syndra’s 18th birthday. Syndra asks not to make a big deal – she’s never really had much in the way of birthday parties before, so why start now? – but Soraka insists that turning 18 is special and she should get a wonderful party. Her resolve only seals when she learns Syndra’s never had much of a birthday party before. Ahri is completely on board; there’s not a thing she loves in the world more than a great party. Ezreal, of course, texts Lux about it, and Lux tells her team.

At school the next morning, Ahri tells her friends too and Syndra is now uncomfortably aware of how big of a deal she’s making it into.

Janna

_Today 12:21 PM_

 

_I'm seriously gonna kill ahri i need you to  
alibi me and help me hide the corpse_

_Read_ _12:23 PM_

_This is at least the 5th time you've said  
you were going to kill Ahri =(_

_Read_ _12:24 PM_

 _I really am going to do it this time she_  
invited like a million people to my birthday  
party and if she doesn't die i will

_Read 12:24 PM_

_Please janna you've got to help me pull this  
off it would be just like taking out cruella deville_

_Read: 12:24 PM_

_There's no way i can skip out at my own party you_  
could just kill me too but you've got to help me janna  
i'm begging you pleaaaaase

_Read 12:14 PM_

_You'll be okay, I promise. I'll be there  
the whole time : >_

_Read 12:25 PM_

_I hope you like what I got you, it's  
not finished yet though  >_<_

_Read: 12:25 PM_

_Omgggg what did you get meeee_

_Read 12:25 PM_

_It's a surprise, I can't tell you. Also,_  
_I have to put my phone away. Talk_  
 _to you later :D_

_Read 12:25 PM_

“Aww, you have the purple heart emoji around Janna’s name, that’s so cute.” Syndra jumps when she hears Lux’s voice, worried it might have been the teacher.

“How long have you been snooping over my shoulder?” _Stupid smart Lux taking a fourth-year English class._

“Not very long. I only got to read Janna talking about what she got you.”

Syndra perks up. “Do you know what she’s getting me?”

“Yeah, but if I tell you she’s gonna kill me. I think you’ll like it, though.”

“Pleeeeeeeeease.”

“No way. It’s April 13th today and your birthday is on the 17th, so you won’t have to wait very long.”

“Wait, she said whatever it was it wasn’t finished yet. Do you think it’ll be done in four days?”

“For sure. It’s almost done as is. But she’s probably not gonna give it to you until the party’s over.”

 

 

The 17th is a Saturday, which Syndra is grateful for. Jinx comes over early to help Ahri and Soraka set up everything for the party; Miss Fortune just breathes a long sigh and takes an Advil.

At some time around half-past four PM, Syndra gets bored and falls asleep. Lux, Poppy, Janna and Lulu arrive at exactly 6:03 PM, and the knock on the door wakes her up.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._ She rushes to her room to get ready while Ezreal answers the door.

There’s a soft tap on her door as she’s doing her makeup. “Syndra? Are you in here?” It’s just Janna.

“Yeah, hold on.” Syndra finishes applying the last of her mascara and goes to open her door. “What’s. . . oh wow. . .” She loses her train of thought when she sees Janna.

She’s wearing a light blue blouse tucked into a black skirt, with high heels and knee-high socks. Her lip gloss is a reddish color, but not as bright as lipstick would be.

“You look really pretty tonight,” she finally manages. It doesn’t even begin to cut it, but it’s all she can spit out.

“Not as pretty as you,” Janna replies, and Syndra almost faints on the spot.

 

By 7:30, the party is going well.

“Psst. MF, can I talk to you for a minute? Privately?” Syndra asks.

“Sure.”

Syndra shuts the door behind her in her room. “So I need your advice.”

“Can’t imagine on what.”

“I think I like a girl and I’m terrified. How do I stop myself from falling?” She twiddles her thumbs nervously.

“It’s Janna, isn’t it?”

Syndra nods.

Miss Fortune rolls her eyes. “You don’t stop it. You take a running jump off the edge. She could do better ‘cause she’s a _knockout_ when she dresses up like she did tonight and if you weren’t in Ahri’s inner circle, you’d still be hanging out under the bleachers with Evelynn, and I really don’t know what in the _hell_ she sees in _you_ that’s lovable or endearing, but you don’t just walk away. You fall right off Lover’s Leap and into her arms.”

“I’ll find a way.” _I’ve got to. I can’t go falling in love with sweet, gentle girls like Janna, or at all. I’ve got a reputation to uphold._

“No, you won’t. You’re a lesbian disaster if I’ve ever seen one and oh, I would know, because I never thought I’d see one that’s even worse than me, but you just take the fucking cake. She’s clearly smitten with you, and instead of going and kissing her you go _I’m feeling emotions toward someone that aren’t ‘I hate you’, how do I stop it_.” Miss Fortune laughs. “Christ, you’re an idiot.”

 

 

Syndra is excited out of her mind to open her presents, mostly because she wants to see what Janna got her. But she saves that one for last.

When she finally gets to it, she’s absolutely delighted to find that it’s a handmade life-size plushie of Multi.

“I love it so much. Thank you so much. This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Thank you so much.” She gets up to give Janna a hug. Janna looks very surprised but happy.

 

After everyone else has cleared out and the party’s over, Lux and her group are staying for the night. When Soraka brings out the cake (which she made herself), Janna gets frosting on her face and it’s the cutest thing Syndra’s ever seen.

“J, you got frosting on her face. Let me get it.” Janna ends up getting it herself, but Miss Fortune still has a smug look on her face like _you can’t stop yourself from falling in love, just kiss her already_.

 

Ahri passes out on the couch the second she finishes her slice, having gotten up obnoxiously early to start getting ready for the party. Soraka isn’t much better, but she at least makes it to her bed. The sugar from the cake just gives Jinx more energy.

“Janna, are you good to drive?”

“Yes, but where do you want to go this late at night?”

“I dunno. I just wanna have the windows down and feel the night air.”

“Why don’t we just take a walk and get milkshakes?”

“That’s fine by me.” Syndra finds herself thinking that _anything with Janna is fine by me_ , to her own surprise.

Janna grabs her purse and Syndra grabs the Multi plushie. She wants to slip her free hand into Janna’s, but resists the temptation. _I can’t. I’ve got it bad enough as is._

“Have you thought about what you want to do when you get out of high school?” Janna asks as they walk.

“Not really. I didn’t even think I was going to make it this far into high school.” Syndra rubs the back of her head. “What do you wanna be?”

“I think I’d like to be a teacher. Or do something to help kids.” Janna puts her hands on her arms.

“Oh, I can see that. You’d be just like the teacher from _Matilda_. I bet kids love you.”

“Lux calls me the Child Whisperer. She’s terrified of them and it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” Janna closes her eyes and smiles. “One time we had a woman and her kid drop by the house because it was pouring rain and their house was kind of far and they were going by foot, and I’ve never seen a person climb on top of a fridge so fast.”

“Lux actually climbed on top of the fridge? No way.”

Janna grins. “She did.”

Syndra laughs and hugs her Multi plushie. “You could be a seamstress too.”

Her smile fades. “I’m really not that good. I don’t know why you even brought that thing.”

“You are! It looks just like Multi.” Syndra pauses. “Even if it wasn’t. . . I wasn’t lying when I said it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. I really appreciate it. From the bottom of my heart.”

Syndra thinks Janna’s face is a little red, but it’s too dark to tell. “Oh, um. . . you’re welcome.” What she can see is that her smile is back. Syndra’s heart flutters in her chest at the sight, and she’s kicking herself for going soft, but in her heart of hearts, she knows Miss Fortune’s right.

 

 

Janna gets a vanilla milkshake, Syndra gets salted caramel. They sit in the parking lot for a while; Syndra finishes her milkshake too fast and gets brain-freeze, so they start walking back before Janna is finished hers.

“I’ve thought a little bit about what I want to do when I graduate,” Syndra says.

Janna pauses from her milkshake. “Oh?”

“Your cat pictures inspired me. Maybe I’ll be a photographer.”

Janna giggles, which makes Syndra feel like she has a glob of. . . something. . . caught in her throat. “I’m sure as long as you set your mind to it, you’ll be great.”

 

 

Against her own better judgement, Syndra asks Janna to prom, which she accepts. Janna’s tired, but Syndra wants to stay up a bit later. Janna’s birthday isn’t until June 5th, but Syndra wants to start thinking about ideas already. She can’t even believe she’s letting herself think this way, but becoming a kinder person is Janna’s effect on her.

“Okay, goodnight J.”

“Goodnight.” Syndra is pleasantly surprised when she feels Janna kiss her cheek on her blind side.

She’s still holding her cheek when she walks into the kitchen.

“Did something happen?” Lux asks.

Syndra takes her hand off her cheek.

“Oooooh, that’s Janna’s lip gloss. She got kiiiissed.”

She just nods blankly to Jinx. “I sure did.”

“Yeah, no shit, you came in holding your cheek and your seeing eye is the size of a dinner plate.” Sarah is smiling as she says it.

“There’s no way you’re ever going to get me to elaborate but you were right. I’m going to sleep.”

Janna’s sharing her room again. Syndra couldn’t stand to deny her the bed, and she’s too embarrassed to sleep in the same bed with someone that gives her warm, fuzzy feelings she doesn’t fully understand, so she ends up sleeping on the floor.

Her head is filled with thoughts of Janna, so she doesn’t fall asleep until late. She almost laughs at how silly she was to think she could stop herself from falling in love, only to fall so quickly and so hard.

 

***

 

Prom night is three Fridays later, on May 3rd. Syndra is freaking out, for the first time in her life.

“What if she – “

Ahri has had enough of Syndra asking _what if she thinks I look ugly_ and _what if she doesn’t show up_ and every other _what if_ question she’s asked. “Would you, like, stop? I’m _literally_ going with _Evelynn_ and you’re the one who’s acting like she has something to be worried about.”

“She’s a lesbian disaster, like I’ve been preaching, and saying, and preaching, and saying.” Sarah is going with Nami, who Syndra thinks is incredibly plain, but Sarah seems to really like her, so Syndra minds her own business for once.

“Why are you going with Evelynn of all people anyways? I thought you hated each other.”

“To prove a point, which is that, like, even a loser girl is still more attractive than like, all of the single guys in this school.”

Syndra just shakes her head.

 

 

Janna comes to pick Ahri’s group up. By that point, Evelynn and Nami are already there – Syndra has no idea how all twelve of them are going to fit into the car. Janna’s wearing red lipstick and purple sleeveless dress tonight, and Syndra is losing her mind for a second time over how pretty Janna looks.

“Pleaaaaase let me honk the horn. Just once,” Jinx is begging when Ahri’s group piles into Janna’s Subaru.

“If you ask again I’m seriously going to let Poppy hit you with her hammer.” Janna turns over her shoulder when she hears the car door open. “Ahri, you want shotgun?”

“Girl, you know it.” She moves into the empty seat next to Janna’s.

“Okay, we’ve got five seats and twelve people. How are we gonna do this?” Poppy asks.

“I’m driving on the way, Ahri gets shotgun and drives back. Evelynn and Nami are guests, so they get the seats. Lulu gets the other seat. The rest of you can ride in the back.”

“If Sarah’s riding in the back, I’ll go in the back too,” Nami offers.

“Okay, then Syndra gets the seat behind me, Lulu in the middle, and Evelynn behind Ahri. Everyone else is in the back.”

“You’re going to make me ride in the trunk? Seriously?” Jinx says with a groan.

“Maybe you would have gotten a seat if you hadn’t kept asking me if you could honk the horn.”

“Trunk rides are fun,” Lux says to comfort her. “There are no seatbelts. You’ll love it.”

Syndra is just grateful that she doesn’t have to sit with six other people in the back hatch of Janna’s car.

 

When they get inside, Syndra feels her eye widen. She’s never been to a dance before, and it feels magical to her. She snaps back to reality when she feels Janna squeeze her hand.

“Let’s dance!”, she giggles.

 

Syndra is uncharacteristically shy about it at first, but Janna leads and she finds it easier to follow as the time passes. She almost squeals out loud when Janna dips her and she’s grinning ear to ear when she spins her.

She presses her forehead to Janna’s when the song for the slow dance comes on. A lock of hair has fallen into Janna’s face; Syndra tucks it back behind her ear for her. Janna blushes and startles a little.

“Was that okay?”, Syndra asks.

Janna giggles. “Yes.”

Syndra pauses a moment. _Goodbye, every piece of armor around my heart._ “Can I tell you a secret?”

Janna nods.

She breathes in deeply. “I’ve never. . . felt. . .” There’s a confusing tangle of emotions rising in her throat; she can pick out adoration, fear, panic, and some kind of sadness. “I’ve never felt the. . . way. . .” Her rising panic freezes her words. “I’m sorry, I just can’t do this.” She lets go of Janna’s hand, and she can’t get outside fast enough.

She goes all the way out to the football field, rubbing her temples all the while. She sits down on the grass. Her face feels numb, despite the warmth of the night air; she doesn’t even notice she’s crying until she feels something wet drop from the seeing side of her face. She isn’t really sure herself why she’s crying.

It doesn’t take Janna very long to find her. “Syndra? Are you okay?” Her blue eyes are round with worry.

She just sighs a long sigh and flops back in the grass.

Janna sits down next to her. “I’m sorry.”

Syndra sits back up, shaking her head. “It’s not you, I can tell you that. It’s all me.” She wipes her eye and sighs.

“Do you want to leave?” Janna asks, touching her arm gently.

She pauses for a moment, and hesitantly rests her head on Janna’s shoulder. “I just want to be next to you,” she says with another sigh.

“I’m sorry,” she continues after a moment of silence, speaking slowly. “I really, really like you. I’ve never felt for anyone else the way I feel about you. That’s what I was trying to say earlier.” Syndra pauses to look up at Janna, trying to read her face. “I just. . . have a very hard time trusting people. Have my whole life. Not my parents, not my teachers or my friends.” Her voice drops to a low whisper. “Only you,” she adds.

It’s hard to get the words out without stopping, and she feels like crying again, but when she finishes speaking, she finds that she feels _freed_ of something. Like she’s been waiting her whole life to find the right person to admit this to.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Everything’s okay,” Janna says, petting her hair. “I’m grateful that you’ve let me in so close. I trust you, too.”

“One more thing,” Syndra says. “I want to kiss you.”

Janna takes Syndra’s face in her hands and presses her lips to hers.

Syndra giggles when it’s over, then checks the time on her phone. “We should probably be getting back soon.”

 

 

She’s glad that Ahri is driving back and not Janna. She wants to be as close to her as physically possible. Ahri lets Evelynn take shotgun, and Lulu, Nami and Miss Fortune are in the seats. Jinx, Poppy, Lux, Soraka and Ezreal are still in the back, and Syndra and Janna join them.

“Are we together now? Officially?”, she asks Janna on the way back to the car.

“If that’s what you want,” she replies.

“It is.”

Janna kisses her cheek. Her lipstick is smudged onto Syndra’s lips and all over her face. She knows as soon as they get to the car, Miss Fortune is going to laugh.

To her surprise, she doesn’t. “So it finally happened? Good for you.”

When they get into the car, Janna sits cross-legged in one of the corners. Syndra sits next to her, resting her head on her shoulder. She ignores everyone else chatting around her. She doesn’t really care about what they’re talking about when she’s lucky enough to be so close to Janna. Her eyes feel heavy, and she buries her head deeper into Janna’s shoulder.

“Are you getting sleepy?”, Janna whispers to her.

“A little.”

She kisses her forehead. “I love you.”

Syndra smiles, her head falling to Janna’s lap. “I love you too.”

Janna pets her hair and hums. “Have sweet dreams.”

For the first time in a long time, she does.

**Author's Note:**

> if i have to sail this ship by myself then i will & there's really nothing anyone can do to stop me


End file.
